deserving.

it sounded old

“deserve.”

(old-and-tired-and-beaten-to-death).

deserve.

—now: it seemed to him that  he-was-always-saying-or-thinking   that  he-didn’t-deserve-some-bad-luck-or-some-bad-treatment   from others.

(he’d told Guitar that he didn’t-deserve-his-family’s

“dependence,”

“hatred,”

or …

deserving.

this is water.

girls doing.

conjure images

before they had kids, if asked to conjure images of parenthood they would have said things like

“reading in bed,”

and

“giving a bath,”

and

“running while holding the seat of a bicycle.”

// parenthood contains such moments of warmth and intimacy, but isn’t them.

it’s cleaning up. the great bulk of family life involves no exchange of love, and no meaning, only fulfillment.

not the fulfillment of feeling fulfilled,

but of fulfilling that which now falls to you.

:: jonathan safran foer

from
here i am

each other’s pain

in sickness and in sickness. that is what i wish for you. don’t seek or expect miracles. there are no miracles. not anymore. and there are no cures for the hurt that hurts most. there is only the medicine of believing each other’s pain, and being present for it.

 

:: jonathan safran foer

from
here i am

true mirrors.

some of us are surrounded by destructive people who tell us:

we’re worthless when we’re endlessly valuable,
that we’re stupid when we’re smart,
that we’re failing even when we succeed.

but the opposite of people who drag you down isn’t people who build you up and butter you up.

it’s equals who are generous but keep you accountable, true mirrors who reflect back who you are and what you are doing.

:: rebecca solnit

from
the loneliness of donald trump

after midnight

let the leftovers rot.
let the last candle burn.

let the clocks think
whatever they want.

this is the night,
says the night, you were given.

the hour, each hour,
you’ve lost.

so lean into me, love
kiss the blue children.

come cast our brief
shadows together.

let the wet branches lash
the black windows like death.

let me lie down
beside you forever.